I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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