we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
