operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
