So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
