If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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