I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
