i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
