After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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