i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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