I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
