Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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