If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
