i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
