If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
