Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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