Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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