its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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