I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
