Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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