If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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