We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
