Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
