It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my being single is dangerous.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
