Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
there is puke in my bra ... again
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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