she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
