If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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