Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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