I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
