Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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