but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
