we have officially lost it.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
