omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
