Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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