Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
