I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
