Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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