i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
