I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
