Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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