he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
