I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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