you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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