I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
