I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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