And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
