I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
