i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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