At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
