Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
