like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
