I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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